My Name is Mrs. Sabina Johnson,I am a retired Auditor With Shell Development Oil Company Hong Kong. I write to inform you of my intention to invest in a Hotel or any other business in your country and to request you to assists me in carrying out the feasibility studies on location, type and estimation on how much it will cost to establish a three star hotel, either by outright purchase, or already existing but dilapidated one and renovate or setting up a new one entirely or real estate and industrial production.
If you sincerely ready to assist me for the investment,I will give you the power of attorney to manage the investment on my behalf, Pending on when we will get a good site for the investment. I have (US$15,000,000.00) that I deposited in a Finance company in China mainland for this project.I am willing to give you 20% of the funds while the remaining 80% will be for my investment in your country.I will like you to provide me with more information about yourself e.g
I am in hospital now for knee injury operation, as a result of my old age but I have been assured by my doctor that I will be fine soon. Please do let me know if you are capable of handling all these. I will be expecting your reply as soon as possible.
Thanks and best regards.
Yeah, a retired auditor. Thanks for making CPA’s look good, Sabina (or Bob, or Mtutse, whatever your name actually is)….but still, great English for a Shell auditor — I especially like the touch where you call yourself Mrs. Sabina Johnson — because, after all, that’s modern usage. I often end my emails with Mr. Henry Jennings, doesn’t everyone?
Though most of us haven’t had to use a “dog ate my homework” excuse since elementary school (and some of us not even then), this woman seemed to think her claim reasonable enough.
Remind me never to take away my son’s Xbox 360 — at least unless the guns are locked up.
A teenage boy in Ohio has been convicted of murdering his mother because she took away his copy of the video game Halo 3, and now faces the possibility of life in prison.
Daniel Petric, 17, shot both his mother and father in October 2007 with a handgun after what was potentially “weeks” of planning, according to the Associated Press. His father survived, but his mother died of a wound to the head. Petric’s defense attorneys had argued that he was not guilty by reason of insanity, claiming that he was dangerously addicted to Halo 3. Petric was tried as an adult in the Lorain County Court of Common Pleas.
I don’t think I’ll even bother to answer this one.
Hello,
Good day, My name is Mr. Song Li, I work with the Hang Seng Bank,I have a business proposal in the tune of $19.5m to be transferred to an Offshore account with your assistance if you are interested.
Send me the following:
Full names,
Private phone number,
Current residential address,
Finally after that I shall provide you with more details, my
Email address is songle99@yahoo.com.hk
From: Barrister Roy Smith Chambers London/England,
Email: barrroysmith@gmail.com
Dear Friend,
This letter is not intended to cause any embarrassment in whatever form, rather it is intended to contact your esteemed self, following the knowledge of your high repute and trustworthiness. Firstly, I must solicit your confidentiality. I know that a proposal of this magnitude will make anyone apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that it is made in good faith and will be of mutual benefit.
I am Barrister Roy Smith from England, the personal attorney to Mr. Kenneth, herein after referred to as my client, a national of your country, who used to work with Shell Petroleum Development Company in England. My client and his entire family were involved in a fatal motor accident, which unfortunately claimed their lives, along the express road, sparing none of the occupants of the vehicle. I have since then made several enquiries to your Embassy, in a bid to locate any relation of my late client, and these efforts of mine have not been productive. I came across your name during my search which is why I have contacted you to assist me in securing the money and property left behind by my client before they are declared as unclaimed and unserviceable by the Natwest Bank London where the have been lodged for safekeeping by the British Government .
I am particularly interested in securing this contract fund balance with Federal Ministry of Finance (FMF), totaling Thirty Million United States Dollar (USD30M). This is because the said Bank has issued a notice to me, unequivocally instructing me to produce the Next of Kin to the said account within the next fourteen official working days, or have the account confiscated. Considering my lack of success in my bid to locate his relatives for over two years, I solicit your consent to enable me produce you as the Next of Kin to my deceased client, since you both bear the same last name. The funds will then be transferred to you as the beneficiary and shared according to a proposed sharing pattern /ratio of 60:40 i.e. 60% for me and 40% for you. I will provide all the necessary and legally obtained documents to back up any claim we make regarding this
process, and will just require your understanding and cooperation to enable us achieve success within a legitimate arrangement, eliminating any liability resulting
My direct contacts have been provided; use same accordingly for effective communication. You can as well forward to me your Tel/Fax number immediately for more clarification on my late client.
Thank you.
Best Regards,
Barrister Roy Smith.
Email: barrroysmith@gmail.com
Your English is stilted for a barrister. You should try that again.
Also, there’s no such thing as a British “Federal Ministry of Finance”; most “Federal Ministries of Finance” are in African countries. As are you, I suspect.
Next time, do a little better research into which agency handles escheat in Great Britain. And stop referring to yourself as “from England”; the proper term is “from Great Britain” or just “from London”.
BTW, soliciting fraud is illegal, even if you are doing it via the internet across international borders — as an “English barrister”, you know that, and would be subjecting yourself to revocation of your license, being thrown in prison, etc.
Hence the whole thing is poppycock — although it’s pretty entertaining.
HOPKINSVILLE, Ky. — A patron at the I Don’t Care Bar & Grill evidently didn’t care about leaving until it was way past closing time and the door was locked.
The man, whose name was not released, told police in western Kentucky that he fell asleep inside the bar and when he got up to leave he set off the alarm. Hopkinsville, Ky., police officers arrived a few minutes before 3 a.m. Friday to find him still locked inside the establishment and unable to find a way out. So they helped him leave the bar. No one was arrested. Evidently it’s not a crime to be left behind after closing time at I Don’t Care.
The Earthpolice have once again created crime where there was once only normal life:
SPOKANE, Wash. (AP) — The quest for squeaky-clean dishes has turned some law-abiding people in Spokane into dishwater-detergent smugglers. They are bringing Cascade or Electrasol in from out of state because the eco-friendly varieties required under Washington state law don’t work as well. Spokane County became the launch pad last July for the nation’s strictest ban on dishwasher detergent made with phosphates, a measure aimed at reducing water pollution. The ban will be expanded statewide in July 2010, the same time similar laws take effect in several other states.
But it’s not easy to get sparkling dishes when you go green.
Many people were shocked to find that products like Seventh Generation, Ecover and Trader Joe’s left their dishes encrusted with food, smeared with grease and too gross to use without rewashing them by hand. The culprit was hard water, which is mineral-rich and resistant to soap.
As a result, there has been a quiet rush of Spokane-area shoppers heading east on Interstate 90 into Idaho in search of old-school suds.
A Russian man died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two female pals.The women had bet mechanic Sergey Tuganov $4,300 that he wouldn’t be able to follow through with the half-day sex marathon.
But minutes after winning the bet, the 28-year-old died of a heart attack, Moscow police said.
“We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do,” said one of the female participants who identified herself only as Alina.
My name is Yossi Mpesi, I am young boy of 16yrs old. I lost my parents in different occassions and my only sister to the war in Congo where my father owned a diamond/gold mine. I am lucky that I was able to flee to this place here in Cote d’Ivoire by good grace my life. I am sure you are aware of the on going event in my congo due to the ethnic clash being experienced of this crisis situation. I am presently staying in a residence lodging apartment here in Cote d’Ivoire.
I would like to appeal to you confidentialy to assist me concerning my late father’s Fund which he deposited in a financial firm, he has the sum of nine million, two hundred and ten thousand Euro(Ђ9.210,000). I want to move out from here because of the my wicked stepmother who plotted with the rebels that killed my father and will stop at nothing to hunt my life except if i flee since my father own a diamond/gold mine.
So please i want to know you better. I am willing to offer you 921,000euro for your assistance after the successful transfer of this money for investment; I have plans to do investment in your country, like real estate, industrial production or any other lucrative investment you bring to my notice in your country.
If you are willing to help me please indicate in your next mail and let me know so that I can mail to you. Let me have your private telephone number & address so that i can communicate with you at any time for more details.
Sacramento, CA (FLP) — California Lottery officials, working closely with legislative budget staff, have agreed to indefinitely suspend Lottery payouts to winners.
“The State is running out of money, and it’s only fair that Lottery winners do their part to help shore up our finances”, said Bruce Warner, assistant Lottery Commissioner. “What we’re going to do is continue to run all of the California state lotteries, but we will delay payout of the prizes for a minimum of three years. ”
“This will extend to scratchers, as well. Obviously, a scratcher winning $2 not paying off for three years is not going to be an undue hardship to the winner”, he continued.
‘Malaria is spread by mosquitoes,’ the Microsoft founder yelled at a well-heeled crowd at a technology conference in California.
’I brought some,’ he added. ‘Here, I’ll let them roam around – there is no reason only poor people should be infected.’
So let me get this straight — malaria is spread by mosquitoes, and now one of the richest men in the world is putting himself in charge of spreading the mosquitoes?
Wow, must be my lucky day to get two of these in a row. This one’s semi-original, but more of the same:
I am Mr B Marshall, Senior Staff, with a Bank here in Madrid-
Spain. I got your contact while searching for a reliable someone
to contact for this transaction in regards to a business transfer
for a huge sum of money in a dormant account. I need your
assistance to transfer to overseas Nine Million, Five Hundred
and Fifty Thousand United States Dollars Only (US$9,550.000.00).
I am seeking your humble assistance to provide either an existing
bank account or set up a new Bank account to receive this fund,
even an empty account can serve this purpose, or you help to
seek an honest and, reliable businessman who can assist us. Though
I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one
apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that this
transaction is being handled by me and my colleagues, who are
also departmental heads in the same bank.
During the course of our audit ing we discovered a floating
fund in a domiciliary account opened in the bank in 2000 and since
2004 nobody has operated on this account, after going through some
old files in the records we discovered that the owner of the
account who is a foreigner died in Madrid Bombing of 11th of March
2004, without any traceable next of kin hence the dormant nature
of the account and if nobody come to claim this funds it will be
re- channel to government coffers as unclaimed funds.
If this proposal is acceptable by you, do not take undue
advantage of th e trust I have bestowed in you,
I await your swift response via my personal
mail : (marshall22b@gmail.com)
Mr. B MARSHALL
Gonna start posting various Nigerian Money Scams that I receive via email. There are many variations, and I think one more exposure of them is just what the doctor ordered.
Don’t let your friends or family even consider communicating with these crooks, under any circumstances.
Here’s one I just received:
website: www.lotto.nl
Batch No.998/7890/543
Ref No.512/333/765
Ticket/Series No.SPL77734
Amount Won: $2,000,000.00 USD
www.lotto.nl
Attn: EMAIL BEARER,
Upon the conclusion of our recent e-lottery draws, your email address was
selected from an exclusive list of 150,000 email addresses
generated from an internet resource database.
You are therefore to receive a cash prize of $2,000,000.00. (Two Million
United States Dollars).
To file for the processing of your prize sum payment, you are advised to
contact our Certified and Accredited claims agent for category "A"
winners with the information below:
*************************************
Mr.ARNOLD HENDRIK
Email:nlpromo01@yahoo.com.hk
Tel:+31-643-862-769
Fax:+31-847-375-060
www.lotto.nl
*************************************
You are advice to provide him with the following information and a copy of
your international passport or driver's license via email
attachment or by fax for vetting process which is a standard practice just
to ensure that we are dealing with the right individual.
Names:
Telephone/Fax number:
Nationality:
Age:
Occupation:
Identification I D:
NOTE: Ensure to quote your Reference Numbers in all your communication with
your claims agent. All winnings must be claimed not later than 7
days, thereafter unclaimed funds would be included in the next stake.
Remember to quote your reference information in all correspondence.
Yours Sincerely,
Mrs. KATHY VERO
Lottory Co-ordinator
President Obama is having the darnedest time finding cabinet members who aren’t tax cheats. In this latest round of idiocy, Ms. Killefer, who used to be all over catching high-profile tax evaders at the Treasury, actually was stupid enough to have gotten to the point that the IRS filed a LIEN on her HOME.
Folks, the IRS doesn’t file a lien on your home until it’s the last possible thing they can do — and THEN she waited another 6 months or so to pay it off. Note that a lien is good for a 100 pt reduction in your FICO score.
Then we have Tom Daschle, who’s so stupid that he doesn’t know that compensation is taxed regardless of whether it’s cash or not, and Tim Geithner, a financial genius so important to the economic recovery that (even though he signed papers acknowledging that he needed to pay self-employment taxes on his IMF salary, he totally blew it off — and that’s not something that’s easy to do in TurboTax; you have to actually try) he’s still a keeper for Obama.
Course, with the apparent lack of compliance amongst Democrat officialdom, there’s no doubt that we’re going to need hefty tax increases, real soon.
NYC cabbie mistakenly beaten by good Samaritans. This poor bastard was just trying to get his fare from some women who ran away from his cab — and was beaten bloody for his troubles by passersby who supposedly thought they were witnessing a purse-snatching.
This site is full of tinyminds — except here, they self-report. I love it; although a lot of it is mundane, there are some really excellent self-confessed ding-dongs out there — and one can always find something frighteningly familiar in the reported adventures.
Check it out; once BlogRolling is back, this site will be on my ‘roll.
I am SO stoked that the RNC has elected Michael Steele as the new chairman. I’ve met the man, and he’s not only a clear-thinking conservative, he has the kind of charisma that the party needs to move forward.
Congratulations, Michael and RNC — you’ve done a good, non-tinyminds kind of thing with this latest move.
If you like the Onion, but also are of a conservative bent, you really should check out the Endive. My current favorite article is the one about Obama’s nipples. I could explain, but … that would ruin the fun.
It would take the average US household 57,598 years to produce a carbon footprint equal to that of the new president’s housewarming party.
So, the incoming greenies have no problem with shamelessly contributing to the destruction of life on earth in the pursuit of celebrating the ascension of The One.
So the GOP is out in the woods again. Boo hoo. We have only ourselves to blame.
We should blame ourselves for not being conservative in deeds as well as rhetoric. We should blame ourselves for trying to be “compassionate” with other people’s money. We should blame ourselves for allowing the movement to be distracted by wars. Wars happen — but the rest of our economy, our society, our culture goes on at the same time and must be addressed. We have elected leaders in the party who are technicians and networkers, not charismatic representatives of the conservative point of view. We have assumed that money wins elections. It doesn’t. Elections are won by big ideas married to big personalities. We had neither on the ticket this time around.
I could go on and on about what went wrong — but instead, I will be posting on how we can get it right next time and in the future.
What are you finding out about the course? Is it just hype and public information, or is it actually worth $2,000? It never ceases to amaze me that people will purchase absolutely already available information for vastly inflated prices — in this case, am I wrong?
Well, don’t fall prey to diet scams on the Internet.
As anyone knows who surfs the Web, there are a myriad of people claiming that they have the cure for obesity. And it’s fast, easy, and only costs a little of your hard-earned cash to have these secrets revealed to you!
According to WebMD.com, the top five diet scams include:
Metabolism-boosting pills based on herbal ingredients
Fat- and carb-blocking pills
Herbal weight loss teas
Diet patches, jewelry, or other products worn on the body
Body wraps or “slim suits”
Some people really can’t get their minds around the concept that most obesity is caused by two major factors: Too many calories in, and too little exercise to burn it back off.
Try the TinyMinds.Net weight loss program!!!
Want to lose weight? Stop stuffing your gob, and get your ass off the couch.
I knew nothing good would come of automated red-light cameras at intersections. These collosal money-makers for local jurisdictions have been shown to not only not reduce the incidence of red-light running, but in fact encourage unsafe behavior at such intersections. Now, we find that teenagers may be using them to punk their enemies or teachers or the like:
As a prank, students from local high schools have been taking advantage of the county’s Speed Camera Program in order to exact revenge on people who they believe have wronged them in the past, including other students and even teachers.
Students are even obtaining vehicles from their friends that are similar or identical to the make and model of the car owned by the targeted victim, according to the parent.
Students from Richard Montgomery High School dubbed the prank the Speed Camera “Pimping” game, according to a parent of a student enrolled at one of the high schools.
Originating from Wootton High School, the parent said, students duplicate the license plates by printing plate numbers on glossy photo paper, using fonts from certain websites that “mimic” those on Maryland license plates. They tape the duplicate plate over the existing plate on the back of their car and purposefully speed through a speed camera, the parent said. The victim then receives a citation in the mail days later.
On behalf of Planet Earth, I would like to once again apologize to any actually intelligent creatures in the Universe. It seems that we have reached a new low; crawling into the space between Gov. Blogo’s belly and the ground, which is no mean feat, we have:
WILKES-BARRE, Pa. (AP) — Humane officers said a Pennsylvania woman marketed “gothic kittens” with ear, neck and tail piercings over the Internet. Officers with the SPCA of Luzerne County removed three kittens and a cat from a home outside Wilkes-Barre.
Officer Carol Morrison said the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals raided the home on Wednesday after getting a tip that the woman was selling the pierced kittens on eBay.
“It’s unbelievable anybody would do this to kittens,” Morrison said.
Charges are likely against the homeowner, whose name was not released.
Morrison said the woman has a pet grooming business in the basement of the home.
Which is quite normal, coming from the alleged humor-banks here at Tiny Minds.
However, I’m on the trail of what I believe is either a ponzi scheme or at best, a very VERY expensive “educational” program currently raging all over the internet. This “program” is called “Arbitrage Conspiracy” and it involves the payment of thousands of dollars for a two-week “course” that teaches you how to sign up for Google AdWords and ClickBank (or their equivelents), set up a “landing site” and start collection zillions of dollars in affiliate marketing fees.
Now, I’m all for making money on the Internet, but a few hours surfing, or a trip to Barnes and Noble and around $40 bucks worth of books, can teach you all of that.
The founder of “Arbitrage Conspiracy” claims that he makes $50-100k per day through his efforts — but doesn’t reveal what percentage of that is in fees collected from his erstwhile students.
Please — if you know anything about this program, please email me or leave a comment on this post. I want to get to the bottom of this, as I know personally at least one person who is in the process of being burned by these folks.
Dictionary.com defines arbitrage as “the process of arbitration — decision by arbitration”. Commonly in business, it means buying something “the simultaneous purchase and sale of the same securities, commodities, or foreign exchange in different markets to profit from unequal prices.”
What the hell does that have to do with affiliate marketing? And why is it a conspiracy?
And in aggravated assault news, we have the following silly story:
PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. (AP) – Police said a Port St. Lucie man was arrested for throwing a sandwich at his girlfriend, the second food attack that sent a man to jail in about a month. According to a police report released Monday, the 20-year-old man threw the sandwich at his girlfriend’s face during an argument about auto insurance and then hit her head with his fist.The man admitted to throwing the food but not hitting her. He was arrested Friday and faces a battery charge.
Last month, another man was arrested on a battery charge for hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off and nearly causing a traffic crash.
Police reports did not [report] what type of sandwich was used in either attack.
If you don’t read this and then say “Run OMG run!!! Oh MY GOD!!!!”, you’re an idiot.
Seriously.
Here goes the verbatim text as of this “disclaimer” — btw I frankly detect a certain Eastern European Mob lilt to the text but perhaps that’s just me (oh, and nota bene, the italics are mine lol):
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In German Youth News, (and isn’t that something we all follow with aplomb?) the AP has reported that the top three German youth words this year are:
Judges chose “gammelfleischparty”, or “spoiled meat party,” – an unflattering term for a gathering of people over 30 – as the “youth word of the year 2008.” The word “gammelfleisch” was in the news frequently during the year when it was discovered that meat packers had been regularly supplying some kebab restaurants with past-due products.
“Bildschirmbraeune” or “screen tan” – referring to the complexion of someone who spends too much time at a computer – came second, while “unterhopft,” meaning “underhopped,” or in need of a beer, took third.
ST. LOUIS (AP) - Santa aside, that trip down the chimney doesn’t work so well after all. Police arrested a burglar early Wednesday who spent a harrowing three hours stuck inside the chimney of a pawn shop.Authorities were called to the location at 3 a.m., and found the man wedged in the chimney, unable to move. After about three hours, rescuers were able to knock away bricks and free him.
He was taken to a hospital for evaluation. The man’s name has not been released.
This is a two-fer -- if you'd like a Simpsons avatar, visit here
According to this article, Second Life avatars use more energy than the typical Brazilian. So not only are you massively wasting your time on Second Life, you’re killing the planet.
There are literally bjillions of gigabytes of absolute crap on the Internet — this site included. But just in case something wasn’t covered, American Chronicle decided that it had to make this contribution. Apparently, chronic nose-picking is now officially an addiction.
Thanks.
On behalf of the human race, I would like to apologize to the rest of the Universe for this particular bit of teh intarweb.
So there you are, running Customs and Immigration for the Massachusetts region. You oversee operations to protect the ports, airports, etc., from illegal trafficing, smuggling, and an influx of illegal immigration.
Hey, I have an idea — wouldn’t you be perfectly placed to find and hire people to work for you, real cheap? You could even give them sound advice on how to avoid being apprehended by … people like you!
Sounds like a plan to me…
Homeland Security Official Hires Illegal Immigrants
A high-ranking Homeland Security official, who oversees a large division responsible for preventing illegal immigrants from entering the U.S., has been arrested and charged with hiring them as domestic workers.
For years, the Massachusetts regional director of Customs and Border Protection (Lorraine Henderson) paid illegal immigrants cash to clean her house and she even coached them on how to avoid deportation.
I know we here at Tiny Minds like to poke fun at folks who are, well, over-the-top fat. But the alleged unattractiveness of the morbidly obese cannot hold a candle to this:
Click for even more grotesque examples of how NOT to manage your weight...
Sorry, but this is just one of the best headlines we’ve seen in a long time.
BERLIN (Reuters) – Germany’s churches criticized a businessman on Tuesday for selling thousands of Jesus chocolates.
Frank Oynhausen set up his “Sweet Lord” chocolate Jesus-making business saying he wanted to restore some traditional religious values to Christmas in Germany.
But the German Protestant Church criticized the idea as “tasteless” and the Roman Catholic Church was not amused.
VALENTINE, Neb. (AP) – Ten misdemeanor counts have been filed against a man Cherry County authorities believe is the vandal some townspeople have dubbed the “Butt Bandit.”
Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott said that on Tuesday he filed nine counts of public indecency and one count of disturbing the peace against 35-year-old Tom Larvie, of Valentine. All are misdemeanors.
Larvie is suspected of leaving greasy, graphic imprints of his naked behind, and sometimes his groin, on the windows of stores, churches and schools in Valentine since the spring of 2007.
The marks were made with lotion or petroleum jelly.
Scott said Larvie was caught in the act by police early Wednesday morning.
This should serve as a reminder that our police officers do a dirty, nasty job, sometimes. I would NOT want to be the guy who had to pat him down.
Boy, I wish I’d thought of this one. There’s nothing sexier than scared women shaking their legs.
A Japanese man was arrested for releasing hundreds of beetle larvae inside a moving express train to try to scare female passengers, police said Tuesday.
I’m still trying to figure out why this was a problem. Little shit got what was coming, says I:
AMBRIDGE, Pa. (AP) – A school bus driver will be charged with endangering a 10-year-old boy for intentionally braking suddenly so the boy would fall down, police said.
The driver was upset because the boy would not remain in his seat, Harmony Township police Sgt. Jim Essek said.
The driver told the boy to stop moving around before allegedly threatening him by saying, “If you do it again, I’ll knock you down,” Essek said.
When the fourth-grader moved around again, the bus driver hit the brakes.
From time to time I look at the referrals we’re getting for our traffic. Just now, a bloke (I will presume) searched Yahoo for a term that brought him to Tiny Minds.
“tiny girl shower sex pics”.
First off, how in the hell did that lead him here, and second off, what kind of a sick son of a bitch would search for such things on the Internet?
Third, how did he think no one would notice, or take note of his IP address?
Please, buddy, just off yourself. Do us all a favor.
A popular comedian active in Burma’s democracy movement has been sentenced to 45 years in jail by a Burmese court.
Seems this funny guy had the nerve to be trying to send aid to victims of the recent cyclone that devastated large parts of the countryside in May.
An outspoken satirist of the military government, Zarganar had already been arrested and jailed four times before he was taken from his home again by the authorities in June.
Hopefully, Dennis Miller will take this to heart as our new regime takes power. Obama doesn’t seem to have the same sense of humor as W had — and who really knows what kind of “change” is coming?
Canada’s Supreme Court today ruled that differently-weighted people (ie. people with gigantic arses) have a “right” to two seats on an airplane for the price of one.
In a move right out of some sort of Kurt Vonnegut nightmare, these dipsticks have essentially said that, rather than have to deal with their gluttony, the rest of us must now subsidize their excessive burger-and-fries narcissism.
Coming soon to the 9th Circuit, no doubt of it whatsoever.
A 19-year-old man is accused of hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off and nearly causing their automobile to crash. The suspect admits to the sandwich assault, saying he chose that over hitting the woman. Proof positive you don’t have to go underground to take the Subway!
VIENNA, Austria (AP) – Cabs in the Austrian city of Salzburg just got classier: Drivers can no longer wear tracksuits. The new regulation took effect earlier this month in an attempt to improve the image of cabbies in a place known for its upmarket clientele.
I’ve heard of people getting drunk and arrested for it. But this guy takes the cake; assaulting his arresting officers with a golden shower wasn’t the smartest move, I’m thinking.
I think it’s best to not find a picture to illustrate this story. You’re welcome.
Apparently frustrated in his search for an Amish female to molest, Ryan Bailey instead sexually assaulted a 29-year-old Amish man. The victim told investigators that Bailey said he had been looking for an Amish girl, but a man would have to do.
I was really just looking for a cheap excuse to post this ridiculous picture…enjoy.
How dare they actually believe in their religion? That pesky Bill of Rights needs to be canceled, right now!
Proponents of Gay Marriage have set upon a singular target for their post-election angst: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. These folks have the temerity (along with what, 70% of black voters), to actually vote the way their conscience dictates.
I for one could give a hoot about who you want to “love”. That’s your personal, private business. But this all boils down to a word: Marriage. California allows “civil unions”; I’m all in favor of that. The Law itself allows anyone to enter into any kind of contract you might conjure up.
To a lot of people (including such nobodies as our Founding Fathers), marriage has a specific meaning — a basic, God-given covenent between one man and one woman to found a family that is the basic foundation of civilization.
Why would people want to take away the “specialness” of such an institution? Can you imagine the lawsuits that would issue forth restricting religious liberty (there I go again with that pesky Bill of Rights).
Catholic Churches refusing to marry two women? Why, they ought to lose their tax-exemptions!!!1!
Mormons, who believe that homosexuality is (gasp!) a sin, if actually committed? They would be hauled up before the secular courts for denying “marriage” — even Temple marriage, which is restricted even for members. (BTW has anyone actually looked at the numbers of LDS in California? Guess what, it’s far larger than you might otherwise surmise — and it’s far more prosperous than you might also otherwise assume.)
What do you do if the police won’t hear your complaint or take you seriously? Apparently, the best thing to do is call them over 7,000 times. Or maybe it isn’t.
She made 7,177 calls during the day or night between September 14 and October 13 this year, sometimes shouting “drop dead” at police, he said.
The woman first called in 2005 to say she had been hit by a man, but the officer who answered her call “did not take the allegation seriously, because what she said was hard to understand,” he said.
“She apparently had a grudge against police officials,” he said.
I should say so. I also think the police showed remarkable, almost zen-master patience.
But not because Barack won — it’s because he’s suddenly no longer needed. While this election meant many things, it also meant that we’ve finally put to rest the idea that “AmeriKKKa” is a racist country.
Yeah, we have a bunch of red-neck race haters — and we still have their opposite numbers amongst people of color. But this election proves once and for all that Americans just don’t care about skin color. Of course, we also apparently don’t care about creeping socialism, income redistribution, billion dollar elections, ACORN, government control of health care, supporting our troops overseas or defending our country from its enemies.
Due to the extreme danger of smoking, and the surplus of people willing to foster children,
LONDON (Reuters) – A council has become the first in London to rule that smokers will no longer be able to foster children.
Redbridge Council’s cabinet agreed Tuesday night to a ban on placing children with foster carers who smoke unless there are exceptional circumstances.
No doubt, soon we will also see a ban on parents who curse, people who are overweight, foster parents who drive too fast, volunteers who fart occasionally, and anyone who might possibly vote conservative.
Actor and liberal activist Tim Robbins had a battle before he could vote in Manhattan on Tuesday. His name was missing from the registration rolls, and an election supervisor and a police officer got involved before Robbins got a judge to issue a court order allowing him to vote when his registration was later verified.
“This is just one example of how difficult it is to vote in the United States,” he said.
Barring the polls (and the media, and the NEA, and the UC faculty lounges and anyone making under $250K $200K $150K…well, you get the idea) being wrong, we’re entering uncharted territory come January. The net result? We’ll all be finding out what it feels like when doves cry.
British political observer Melanie Phillips writing in the UK’s Spectator gawks in stupefied amazement:
“You have to pinch yourself—a Marxist radical who all his life has been mentored by, sat at the feet of, worshiped with, befriended, endorsed the philosophy of, funded and been in turn funded, politically promoted and supported a nexus comprising black power anti-white racists, Jew haters, revolutionary Marxists, unrepentant former terrorists, and Chicago mobsters, is on the verge of becoming President of the United States. And apparently, it’s considered impolite to say so.”
Poor guy finally realized his lifelong dream of bowling a perfect game. And promptly kicked the bucket.
RAVENNA, Mich. (WZZM) – Teammates in his bowling league think after rolling a perfect 300 game Don Doane’s heart just gave out.
“You get nervous shooting a 300,” says teammate Todd Place. “The pressure keeps building,” says bowling alley owner Jim Nutt.
Minutes after achieving the life long goal of a perfect game the 62 year old bowler collapsed and died at Ravenna Bowl in Ravenna. “Don just collapsed,” says alley owner Nutt. ” At first we thought he just fainted.” “Then when I rolled him over I realized it wasn’t good,” says teammate Place.
“I think he died by the time he hit the floor.” Don Doane was a member of the “Nutt Farm” bowling team at Ravenna Bowl for 45 years. His teammates says its strange not to see him on league nights.
“It was like a book, a final chapter,” says Place. “He threw his 300 game with all of his friends, gave each other high-fives and it’s like the story ended. He died with a smile on his face.”
He reached his goal; he went out with a smile. But for me, I guess I will have to just put off shooting par out at El Cariso indefinitely. It could be fatal.
Eminent genius and perfect prognosticator Erica Jong tells an Italian newspaper all about her paranoid delusions:
Basically, Jong says her fear that Obama might lose the election has developed into an “obsession. A paralyzing terror. An anxious fever that keeps you awake at night.” She also says that her friends Jane Fonda and Naomi Wolf are extremely worried that Obama will be sabotaged by Republican dirty tricks, and that if an Obama loss indeed comes to pass, the result will be a second American Civil War.
Among other chestnuts she throws out for the world to see:
“The record shows that voting machines in America are rigged.”
“My friends Ken Follett and Susan Cheever are extremely worried. Naomi Wolf calls me every day. Yesterday, Jane Fonda sent me an email to tell me that she cried all night and can’t cure her ailing back for all the stress that has reduces her to a bundle of nerves.”
“My back is also suffering from spasms, so much so that I had to see an acupuncturist and get prescriptions for Valium.”
“After having stolen the last two elections, the Republican Mafia…”
“If Obama loses it will spark the second American Civil War. Blood will run in the streets, believe me. And it’s not a coincidence that President Bush recalled soldiers from Iraq for Dick Cheney to lead against American citizens in the streets.”
“Bush has transformed America into a police state, from torture to the imprisonment of reporters, to the Patriot Act.”
Obviously, Erica, Jane, and Naomi really need to take a vacation. Seriously.
I never realized that extreme obesity was as relatively common as it turns out to be. Some of the biggest names in fat are documented here, it makes for some interesting reading.
A French man attempting to retrieve his cell phone from the toilet on a high-speed French TGV train had to be removed from the train by paramedics, bowl and all. Oddly enough, the train actually smelled worse after the commode was removed. Oh, snap!
A Dutchman claimed that it was entrapment when police left a bike unlocked and he subsequently attempted to ride off on it.
Happily, the Supreme Court ruled that, no, he wasn’t entrapped, and perhaps taking other’s property was still a bad thing, even in the Golden Age of Obama that is emerging for the world.
Part of what I do for a living involves investing in stocks and bonds.
Over the last few weeks, and months, I’ve noticed that markets can be mindless. Long a believer in relatively efficient markets, I’m becoming more and more convinced that they would be, if they weren’t peopled by idiots. I do believe, however, that in the long term (ie not a 24 hour news cycle, or a month, or a quarter, or a year, but rather over actual “long terms” of say 5-10 years) I think that markets are reflective of the values being traded.
At the current moment, however, the Mr. Market is being an ass.
The economy cannot possibly be as bad as the main stream media is making out, obviously for the benefit of their anointed candidate. This is a cycle that’s gone on for a long time; in my lifetime, there has been an alleged recession each time that a Republican (after Reagan) has been running for office. Bush I’s recession was illusory; Bush II’s recession in 2004 was also illusory. I believe that we are not in a recession now, although, due to the recent market crash and manipulated oil price shock, we may have a shallow one on our hands over the next couple of quarters. But it will be shallow, and short-lived.
As hedge-funds and massively leveraged investors were forced to unwind their portfolios due to the credit crisis caused by the sub-prime meltdown of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, as well as the Federal Reserve failing to “rescue” Lehman Brothers (which in my opinion will go down in history as the biggest dipshit move the Fed ever made, bar none), we are seeing retail investors start (too late) getting into the selling party.
Folks, Potter’s not selling, he’s buying. A recent op-ed piece by Warren Buffett referenced in this blog earlier tells you all you need to know: Valuations of companies are at an insane level — they are on sale to a degree not seen since 1974. If you have any kind of cash, you should do like Buffett, and buy, buy, buy.
If you have a portfolio, make sure it’s rebalanced, and then hang on for dear life. If you sell out, you are locking in your losses. Let others do that. Every single time there’s been a market crash, people with cash, and people who held on (assuming they were diversified into a spectrum of companies and bonds) were rewarded. Every single time.EVERY SINGLE TIME.
One last thought before I head for dinner. Think of it this way:
Let’s say you own a house. You’re planning on living in that house for a long time. Let’s also say that the real estate market is down, like it was in California in the 90’s. Or now, throughout the nation.
You bought your house for $300,000. You look on Zillow, you read the “comps”. According to Mr. Market, your house is now worth $200,000. Would you sell it now, seeing that it’s declined in value by a third?
Of course you wouldn’t.
Because you know that you’re going to be living in your house for a long time. And you also know that real estate prices in the long term always go up. Especially in inflationary times.
And just as you wouldn’t sell your house just because prices are lower at the moment, neither should you sell out of your investments. You don’t need to move out of your “investment house” — so don’t. Hang on, ignore the day to day news, and just bloody wait.
“It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking. We’re about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America. Remember I said it standing here if you don’t remember anything else I said. Watch, we’re gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy.”
“I can give you at least four or five scenarios from where it might originate,” Biden said to Emerald City supporters, mentioning the Middle East and Russia as possibilities. “And he’s gonna need help. And the kind of help he’s gonna need is, he’s gonna need you – not financially to help him – we’re gonna need you to use your influence, your influence within the community, to stand with him. Because it’s not gonna be apparent initially, it’s not gonna be apparent that we’re right.”
I wonder how many thousands will die initially, and then, once he fails utterly to respond in a way that’s “right”, apparently or otherwise, how many more will perish?
Well, the Sage has spoken. Perhaps Sage is the wrong term; perhaps we should start calling him “King of the Pumpers” but what the heck.
At least you’re buying stocks. Of course, you get special deals to buy yours en masse; you can increase a stock’s price just by buying it and letting everyone know you have, but what the hell.
Attention all squirrels: Don’t steal nuts and just think you can get away with it.
BERLIN (Reuters) – Thieves who stole 660 pounds of hazelnuts in Germany have been urgently warned not to eat them.
Hamburg police spokesman Holger Vehren said the sacks containing the nuts were full of poisonous hydrogen phosphate gas, used to extend their shelf life. The nuts must first be treated to make them safe for consumption.
“We’re looking for the perpetrators because they could face a very serious health risk if they eat these hazelnuts,” he said. “The gas is even lethal if they inhale it.”
Barack Obama is the target of a shadowy smear campaign designed to derail his bid for the US Presidency by falsely claiming he had a close friendship with an attractive African-American female employee.
The whispers focus on a young woman who in 2004 was hired to work on his team for his bid to become a senator.
The woman was purportedly sidelined from her duties after Senator Obama’s wife, Michelle, became convinced that he had developed a personal friendship with her.
Of course, we know that any such accusation would be racist, a lie, deliberately designed to instantly elect McCain, or divert attention from Sarah Palin’s SAT scores.
A friend of ours is involved in a project called “Operation Gratitude”, a California 501(c)(3) that sends care packages and letters to our GIs in Iraq and around the world. We heard they were having a “garage sale” at the National Guard armory in Van Nuys yesterday, so we went down to check it out as it’s just a couple blocks from where we like to do what we sometimes can almost call “play golf”.
Anyhow, the sale was great; it consisted of items they just couldn’t send to the troops that had been donated since the beginning of the program, be it because of size or weight restrictions, or inappropriateness, etc. The proceeds go towards the cost of mailing the packages overseas.
We then went into the Armory to see what they were doing — there was a MOUNTAIN of boxes being put together for next weekend’s shipping marathon. We’ll be going next weekend to see if we can lend a hand.
Hundreds of thousands of American troops are deployed in hostile and remote regions of the world, including the Middle East, Afghanistan, Africa, Guantanamo Bay and on ships throughout international waters. The physical conditions they must endure are difficult and they may be separated from loved ones for long periods of time. OPERATION GRATITUDEseeks to lift troops’ morale, and bring a smile to their faces by sending care packages addressed to individual service members deployed overseas. Operation Gratitudecare packages contain food, toiletries, entertainment items and personal letters of appreciation, all wrapped with good wishes of love and support.
Through Collection Drives, Letter Writing Campaigns and Donations of requested items or funds for shipping expenses, OPERATION GRATITUDE provides civilians anywhere in America a way to express their respect and appreciation to the men and women of the U.S. military in an active, hands-on manner.
OPERATION GRATITUDE is a 501(c)(3) non-profit, all-volunteer corporation, funded entirely by private donations. For safety and security, the assembling of all packages occurs at the Army National Guard Armory in Van Nuys, California.
If you have any inkling of donating or volunteering, click the link above and check out their great program and excellent work. And please, help spread the word.
Sig94 has done it again; he’s taken an email he received and imbedded links to the information therein. Makes for fascinating reading on some of the past associations, activities, and life of our next President, Barack Obama. Well worth checking out.
You have GOT to be kidding me. Jimmy Carter is criticizing Bush on the economy?
BRUSSELS (Reuters) – Former President Jimmy Carter said on Friday the “atrocious economic policies” of the Bush administration had caused the worst global financial crisis since the Great Depression of the 1930s.
Well, looks like my instincts were right for a change. When Russia invaded Georgia, I sold our shares in a mutual fund that invests in Russia — and none too soon:
MOSCOW (AP) – Trading on both Russian stock markets was halted on Wednesday after shares plunged within an hour of opening on fears the credit crisis will take a heavy toll on growth.MICEX, where most trading takes place, was shut until Friday after it dropped more than 14 percent to 637.9 points in the first half-hour of trading. The RTS index—which has lost more than 69 percent since its May peak—has been shut down until further notice. It fell 11.3 percent in the first half-hour, dropping to 761.6 points.
Both exchanges have suspended trading on several occasions in recent weeks in a bid to stem steep slides in share prices.
Investors have withdrawn billions of dollars from Russia’s oil-fueled economy since its war with Georgia in August. Sliding oil prices and concerns about the depth of the financial and economic woes in Europe and the U.S. have sent shares into freefall in recent weeks, contributing to the Russian markets’ worst-ever trading day on Monday.
Not that I’m happy about their crash — but if Putin thinks that he can invade his neighbors without fallout, he’s sadly received a really strong message. The coterie of oligarchs that help prop him up in power can’t be very happy with him at the moment. Shucks.
Well, apparently there are many kinds of “community organizers” out there:
LAS VEGAS (AP) – Nevada state authorities are raiding the Las Vegas headquarters of an organization that works to get low-income people to vote.A Nevada secretary of state’s office spokesman said Tuesday that investigators are looking for evidence of voter fraud at the office of the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now, also called ACORN.
No one was at the ACORN office when state agents arrived with a search warrant and began carting records and documents away.
Secretary of State spokesman Bob Walsh says ACORN is accused of submitting multiple voter registrations with false and duplicate names.
The raid comes two months after state and federal authorities formed a task force to pursue election-fraud allegations in Nevada.
I’m betting they find something. What do you think the over/under is gonna be?
Fox News just announced that Waxman has capitulated to demands that he hold hearings into the real cause of all of this financial storm — Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and their Democrat backers and executives.
He won’t say when the hearings will be, however. Anyone think they will be before the elections next month? Me, either.
The MSM keeps claiming that Barack Obama has only a passing acquaintance with radical left activists.
For a breakdown of who he really knows, works(worked) with and has taken his lead from, David Horowitz’s people have put together Barack World at their website Discover The Networks.
Great stuff, and hats off to Horowitz and the others over there who are doing the media’s job for them.
isn’t the swiftest way to conduct yourself. Especially if you’re not anonymous, and you’re bragging about taking advantage of hurricane relief that you don’t actually need.
In what Steinhauer described as a diary, titled “The Secret Life of an Uninteresting Teacher,” she writes about her love of MREs, her habit of hitting up more than one Place Of Distribution (POD) in trips between Baytown and her Deer Park home, and her enjoyment of life post-Hurricane Ike.
“This is great,” Steinhauer said in her blog. “I don’t have school and getting free food. I still will probably get paid at the end of the month also. Life is great after a hurricane when nothing really happened to your house.”
While adding up her free loot, Steinhauer counted five cases of water, two 20-pound bags of ice, four 10 pound bags of ice, four boxes of MREs (two of the “real military ones” and two boxes meant to last one person one day, and a box with a variety of 12 sack lunches of Chef Boyardee microwavable cups, granola bars, fruit cups and almond cookies.)
Happily, she’s probably in a good deal of hot water now.
Allegations that Steinhauer took advantage of the system and received MREs she may not have really needed while other s went without have prompted an investigation by the Goose Creek school district.
“She’s been placed on administrative lead with pay pending an investigation,” spokeswoman Kathy Clausen said.
My buddy at Signal 94 found this tid-bit in which even the amazing Alec Baldwin (wasn’t he gonna leave the country? Frankly, I’m glad he didn’t since he kills me on 30 Rock…) recognizes that the Democrats are just as much if not more to blame for our current CF in the markets.
Michelle Malkin once again is railing against government intervention in markets created and overseen by the government who are in crisis due to …. you guessed it, the government control of interest rates, financial regulation, the mortgage market, the tax system, international relations, trade treaties, and everything else that allows the free market to operate.
Naturally, of course, the “bail out” package didn’t result in an instant bull market rising 3000 pts today.
Of course, this is a sure sign that they shouldn’t be doing anything regarding the current crisis.
Is it just me, or are people who should know better just bloviating to hear themselves bloviate? Course, at least I’m willing to admit it. Those who are paid to scream from the rooftops will most likely decline to make such admissions.
Recent reports that the Taliban are hoping to sit down with the Afghan government and try to work out a peace agreement, while breaking their ties to Al-Qaeda, sound like a giant load of horse-hooey to me.
Cafe Press is hopeful, however, and no doubt there will be lots of new Peace t-shirts and thongs sold on this wondrous news.
and I realized that most people who don’t understand Sarah Palin (or her husband) just don’t get how life is in places like Alaska, Montana, the Dakotas, etc. Posted a reply to a post there:
The problem with all of this Palin-bashing is a fundamental misunderstanding of what it’s like to live in a state like Alaska, the Dakotas, Montana, and the like.
Thinly populated, and dependent either on pure self-preservation or Washington largesse, the populations are often polarized into two big camps: Rugged individualists who are self-reliant and resent authority, or State socialists who wouldn’t be able to stay if it weren’t for the support of the taxpayers both of the state and the US.
This means, in their little playgrounds, that often wide variations occur in their parochial politics that results in things like the Independence Party, or the Constitutionalists and the so-called Militia of Montana.
Applying left-coast or East Coast standards to such places just doesn’t work — and at the same time, doesn’t invalidate the fact that there are talented political minds in such places.
Try taking a trip to one of these places some time. You’ll find that the people, as a whole, are wonderful, down to earth, and want exactly what everyone else does — good education, reasonable taxation, liberty, and effective public services.
Yeah, they have different ways of getting there, but that’s what they all want, just the same, both Right and Left.
Until you do, please, STFU about things you just don’t understand. Kthx.
WASHINGTON (AP) – By claiming that Democrat Barack Obama is “palling around with terrorists” and doesn’t see the U.S. like other Americans, vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin targeted key goals for a faltering campaign.
And though she may have score a political hit each time, her attack was unsubstantiated and carried a racially tinged subtext that John McCain himself may come to regret.
Since when is calling Obama’s links (which are extensive and proven) to an unrepentant domestic terrorist carry a racial tinge? Because Obama is black?
We all know that the standard for racism has become: Criticism of a black man is by default racism.
We might as well just call the election now. Anything short of an Obama landslide will prove that the United States is a totally racist company. Let’s save a lot of money, effort, and actual voting, and just crown him now — so he can get started on parting the seas, healing the earth, and bringing peace and prosperity to the solar system.
Sort of. Details are still murky, but it looks like Paulson and the Fed now have the tools to unfudge the credit markets. We hope.
In the meantime, the stock market has declined rapidly. What does this mean for investors?
In my opinion, unless you think that the End of the World is nigh, you should sit tight. Although your stocks and mutual funds and ETFs may be lagging what you paid for them, the underlying companies should be just as healthy as they were the week before, by and large. The Hartford didn’t become worth 33% less in one day just because some idiot who runs the majority in the Senate flapped his gums out of turn. Or maybe it did — but you surely don’t have any more than say 1-2% of your portfolio in that stock, right?
If you DO think the world is coming to an end, it’s not going to do you a lot of good to sell and lock in your losses at THIS point, so don’t. If we’re doomed, it’s not going to matter whether you have less money than you did before; after all, we’re doomed, right?
The main problem now with the markets is that typical investors are panicking — in the face of hedge funds selling into any rally that comes along as they try to unwind their tortuous positions. Don’t help them. Breath deep, hang tight, and remember that this economy is so much more incredibly huge, interconnected, and creative by it’s nature than anything they could have imagined in 1929.
and with no Federal intervention (except what the Feds can do themselves without authorization from our absolutely do nothing Congress).
At least my Congresscritter, McKeon, voted correctly today. Hopefully there will be a revote tonight or something and they will get their shi’ite together.
It’s amazing to me that so many of our so-called representatives no so little about how our financial system works (or doesn’t work) that they would be still playing politics with the situation.
Meanwhile, Ron Paul is sitting there railing about how we need “sound money” — while a LOT of his personal wealth is tied up in the very companies that would gain from a return to some sort of idiotic gold standard.
Bill Clinton has once again shown the kind of statesmanship and class that he has occasionally exhibited throughout his “legacy building” phase after leaving office. Of course, he’s had his slips, but nothing like the idiotic rantings of fellow former President Jimmy Carter:
...Clinton told CNN’s “Larry King Live” on Wednesday that he doesn’t think “dumping” on McCain or his running mate, Sarah Palin, is a winning strategy. He said undecided voters aren’t interested in attacks but solutions for the problems they face.
“I just don’t believe that getting up here and hyperventilating about Gov. Palin, or Sen. McCain for that matter, is a productive use of a former president’s time and is not a vote-getter,” he said, adding that he admires McCain even though he disagrees with several of his positions.
Although I rarely have ever said anything good about the former President, I’m happy he’s taking this approach this time around.
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